Jessica Glass Kendorski, Ph.D
Pantene's recent commercial depicting women apologizing for
being assertive has been getting lots of attention from
national media outlets such as Good
Morning America and ABC News. In the
ad, several women are seen saying “I’m sorry” in situations that clearly don’t
call for it—for example, one woman apologizes for interrupting a business
meeting, and another apologizes for handing her husband their child after he
comes home from work.
The ad comes at an opportune moment; this week, President
Obama is hosting the first-ever White House Summit on Working Families, which
will address improving gender equality on the workplace. In light of all of
this, I wonder if gender differences in communication account for some of that
disparity.
Women make up 47 percent of the work force. Working married women bring home 44 percent of their family’s income, and women make up 59 percent of the recipients of college degrees. Yet women only earn 77 cents for every dollar earned by men. Could the tendency for women to constantly apologize, and engage in less assertive communication, be a possible contributor to this wage gap?
Women make up 47 percent of the work force. Working married women bring home 44 percent of their family’s income, and women make up 59 percent of the recipients of college degrees. Yet women only earn 77 cents for every dollar earned by men. Could the tendency for women to constantly apologize, and engage in less assertive communication, be a possible contributor to this wage gap?
Expectations are key. Expectations guide communication in
the workforce and also guide how adults communicate to impressionable children.
Men are expected to ask for what they need and women are expected to apologize
for asking. Fostering equal environments in the workforce begins with fostering
equal expectations for men and women—starting in early childhood.
Early on, girls are taught to stifle displays of negative
emotions such as anger and frustration, and often express the opposite of what
they’re feeling, such as smiling even though they’re not happy—and apologizing
when they’re not sorry. On the other
hand, it is more acceptable for boys to show evidence of anger and frustration.
Because boys can externalize their feelings, they are able to learn to express
these behaviors appropriately through assertive communication. If girls
continuously suppress their emotions, then they may never learn how to truly be
assertive.
Regardless of gender, children experience intense emotions
and need to be supported and taught appropriate ways of dealing with these
emotions. Adults should be aware of their expectations and the behavior these
expectations foster in children. Boys
are expected and taught to grow up strong and assertive, but girls should be
taught the same. And as the Pantene commercial shows, women can find strength
in the ability to truly express their feelings.
http://workingfamiliessummit.org/
Chaplin,
T.A., Aldao, A. (2013). Gender difference in Emotion Expression in Children: A
Meta-Analytic Review. Psychological Bulletin, 139, 4, 735-765.
